We like Yes people. Not the spineless, people-pleasing kind. But the ones who are quick to say Yes to things that matter.
KWF is a growing group of friends who say Yes to helping others. And, just as importantly, say Yes to being helped. It’s a two-way street for all of us. Some days we’re on the receiving end; some days we’re the givers. As John Denver put it, “Some days are diamonds, some days are stones.” Yep. KWF only works if we’re all Yes people.
GIVING
Our Givers say Yes by finding ways to donate time, money, vacation homes, concert tickets or other fun stuff. Or by nominating a friend living with cancer and helping us put some fun on their calendars. Our Givers are busy, they have jobs, families, responsibilities or their own dreams. But they are Yes people, willing to stop their own races for others. In fact, Yes people make others a priority. Even when the “others” are perfect strangers.
RECEIVING
It’s also important that our recipients and their families are quick to say Yes. The magic of KWF only works when we say Yes. If everyone nominated for a trip says NO because they believe someone else is more deserving, then that magic doesn’t work. We are all born to be givers AND receivers. God didn’t give each of us our own planet to go it alone. He put all of us on this one globe, gave us a bunch of toys, beauty, sharp objects and adversity, and said, “It’s all here, figure it out.” We figure it out by working together and saying Yes to both receiving and giving. We like the spirit of our KWF friend Krissi who was given a KWF spa day… Her friend questioned why she accepted the gift and didn’t offer to pay for a spa day. Krissi said, I’ve had an awful year living with breast cancer, someone wants to send me to a spa, so I said Yes. When I feel better, I’m going to send three other women living with breast cancer to a spa. Now that’s a Yes person LIVING with cancer. Krissi is a generous giver and has been for years!
Then there are the families who have never been on a vacation before receiving one from KWF. They say Yes even though they don’t have luggage or any idea how to negotiate a busy airport. They are open to receive. That experience gives them memories that last a life-time and beyond. Now, we have women saying yes to jumping out of planes, fly fishing expeditions, traversing the Grand Tetons, chilling at the beach with a group of girlfriends, petting a sloth for the first time and so much more! But there’s a flip-side. When someone says NO to FunNow, there is no guarantee of FunLater. About 30% of KWF gifts of fun are “last” ones. The past few years, we’ve had some recipients who were given vacations. They delayed and said NO because their kids had important school activities and were too busy for a break. Or they said “NO not now” because they were early stage and thought there would be more time. We lost those recipients and those last vacations were never taken. In the summer of 2006, Karen and our family said Yes to a vacation to Newport, Rhode Island with close friends. It was a great vacation. Full of new places and experiences, including a ferry ride to an island, a lobster dinner on a picnic table in a park followed by whiffle ball games, spur-of-the-moment sunset ocean fishing with cheap rods hurriedly bought from a Wal-Mart, long walks, smells of the ocean, a tour of a row of mansions, and lots of laughs. It also was our last vacation with Karen. I’m glad our friends offered and our family said Yes.
- Kent Wellington, KWF Board Chair and Yes man
“Pamela’s Bible still sits in the den, right where she left it,” reflects Christopher Smitherman of his late wife, Pamela. “You can’t think of Pamela and not think of her faith. It was the centerpiece of her life.” That’s who Pamela was …and will always be in the hearts of those who knew her. Pamela’s 50th Birthday is November, 23, 2020. This month, we are honoring Pamela! December would be her 30th wedding anniversary to college sweetheart, Christopher Smitherman, Vice Mayor and new KWF board member. When asked why he is serving on the KWF board, Christopher emphatically states, “I want to stop cancer! Since I can’t, I want to make sure that those who are fighting cancer have fun and enjoy life. I’ve never met an organization that is so much about life!”
Pamela and Christopher met in 1989 at Bowling Green State University on the way in to a Frat Party – not the Animal House kind, but a more dignified crowd! It was the fall of her freshman year and both were focused on their studies. Pamela, who ultimately earned a master’s degree in technical writing, dreamed of impacting the world through education. Christopher was in finance. Their combined sense of purpose made them an unbeatable pair. One year after meeting, they married and began their life together. Christopher’s family and his career brought them back to Cincinnati. His leadership on Cincinnati’s City Council placed the family squarely in the public spotlight. But Pamela’s public life never conflicted with her personal sensibility and values. Her “integrity and doing the right thing never changed,” says her mom, Michele Banks. She notes “from an early age, Pamela was a leader.” She stepped up when others didn’t. She was a cheerleader, active on student council, played both the flute and piano, academically strong, well-liked, and respected. She was also incredibly talented. She was a seamstress and even sewed her own wedding dress! She was a writer and teacher, swim coach, soccer mom extraordinaire, positive force in her community, and a stand-tall-kind-of-wife. But her best and favorite role was as a mom to the Smitherman’s five children, whom she adored. They have four sons: Christopher (24), Malcolm (22), Isaac (20), Caleb (18). Their sweet long-awaited daughter, Camille (12), came 6 years after Caleb. “Children were everything to her,” Christopher emphatically states.
In December of 2017, Pamela learned she had an aggressive cancer that spread rapidly. The Smithermans banded together, as they always did, under and around Pamela and her mom-sense leadership. Christopher’s sister-in-law, Liza Smitherman, nominated Pamela for a vacation through KWF. By the summer of 2018, Pamela was too sick to travel, but that didn’t stop them. The Smithermans were gifted a KWF Cincinnati staycation (at the downtown Hilton). The entire family was there, including Pamela’s mom. “Playing games, watching movies, hanging out as a family, talking about favorite memories with their mom,” that’s what Michele remembers most about the last vacation she took with her daughter. They had three adjoining suites, snacks of every kind – including the best of Cincinnati food, pedicures and lots of other fun activities. But as Michele recalls, “I am most grateful for the time sitting crocheting, watching, listening… together in one room” during this last family vacation. Six months later, Pamela passed away. A year before their staycation in Cincinnati, when Pamela was more mobile, they rented a cabin in Gatlinburg. It was just the seven of them. That was a “magical moment,” says Christopher. “The blessing of cancer is that it really brings out the best in you. You focus on what’s important. I feel every second that I’m here.” It’s these memories and moments of joy that solidified Christopher’s interest in KWF’s mission. Her sewing room remains on the third floor of their family home. And she lives on through her children, especially Camille, who inherited her mother’s spirit and is known to break out in a cheer or two that her mom taught her.
That Bible that sits in the den was well worn over the years. Pamela knew the love of God in her life. Of the thousands of passages she treasured, she wanted these words to be shared at her celebration of life, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” It’s a reflection of her faith, yes, but it’s her hope for you as well. Pamela’s light shines on. Through her five children, her husband, Christopher, the many children she impacted in her community, the women she worked alongside of and those reading these words. KWF joins with the Smithermans in celebrating Pamela this month! Join us by shining your light to others and LIVING your life to the fullest. Note: When she learned she had cancer, Pamela insisted that her younger sister, Tracy Stone start getting mammograms. In 2019, Tracy was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Fortunately, they caught it early. Tracy, her surgeon and treatment team credit early detection for saving her life. She is now doing well. Tracy is married to Jeff and has three children, Katiri, Aliesha and Michael. She lives in Chicago and is currently working on her PhD. Pamela’s family has established the “Pamela Smitherman FUNd” to give Gifts of Fun to other women and families LIVING with cancer. This includes family vacations, spa days, fun experiences like skydiving, weekends with girlfriends, concerts, trips to the zoo, family gatherings, staycations and so much more. Text PamelasFUNd to 44-321 to donate or reference the “Pamela Smitherman FUNd” HERE.
“I didn’t think it possible, but my heart has grown another size thanks to the generosity of the donating family, the mission of the KWF, and the memories made with my wonderful family. I am very similar to Karen in that I too want FUN on the calendar. I need to write it down, to anticipate it, and to imagine what it will be” - Jen Anderson
Do Today Well. That was Jen’s life motto, her daily outlook and the legacy she left behind. You see, as my mom would put it...cancer sucks. The chemo, the radiation, losing your hair, the fatigue, the nausea, all the ‘what ifs’ and the extra BS that comes along the way. But one thing cancer does provide is a new life perspective for all those it affects. “Cancer brings out the best in everybody. You really get to see the best side of the world. The KWF is the exclamation point on that statement,” said Jen of her cancer journey in 2015. Jen had an appreciation for life. She understood the power of LIVING for today.
I (virtually) sat down with Jen’s mom, Roz Mathie, this past month to learn a little bit more about herself and Jen’s lasting impact on all those who crossed her path. Roz, originally from the East Coast of Australia, ended up moving to the states after high school. She attended Miami University and soon after found her calling as a nurse. Roz practiced at the Christ Hospital for 17 years. And just as Roz lived to help other individuals, she expressed how Jen lived out a similar life mantra. “You know, she should’ve been a lawyer...she loved fixing people’s stories,” Roz states. When asked about Jen’s personality Roz spoke of her daughter's quick wit, intelligence and humor. She was a critical thinker, a model of efficiency, as well as incredibly hilarious. Jen was always telling funny stories. Much of which she did on their KWF trip. Jen and her family were given a Lake Lanier vacation back in 2014 thanks to the Davenport family. Roz recalls the getaway just like it was yesterday. 11 members of Jen’s family attended the vacation timed perfectly for her daughter’s 35th birthday. Roz mentioned that they wanted to do something special for Jen and make her favorite dessert...fondue! Jen’s daughters, Greta & Maren along with their aunt went up to the kitchen, cracked open the fondue machine only to find that it didn’t work. So they then went to the second kitchen but appeared to be out of luck - no fondue machine (as expected). The girls then ventured to the THIRD KITCHEN to find a perfectly working fondue machine and prepared the world’s best birthday dessert for their mom. “Three kitchens, two fondue machines!” Roz laughs. It’s the little (sometimes extravagant) things that make these experiences so memorable. Although the fondue was exciting, it definitely wasn’t the trip highlight. Jen’s youngest daughter Greta learned how to swim that week. A memory that the whole family will remember forever. It was a much-needed vacation, a getaway, a chance for Jen to live out the meaning of ‘doing today well.’
As I finished up my conversation, I asked her if there was anything else she would like people to know about Jen or the life mantra she left behind. Roz left me with this, “Do today well. Sometimes I can only do 15 minutes. Then I go for the next 15 minutes. You can’t fix what you did yesterday, you don’t know what is coming tomorrow...but you’ve got today.” So today, do just that. Slow it all down and do it well.
By Angeline Wellington
Friends and family of the Wellingtons knew the 4th floor halls of The Christ Hospital (TCH) all too well. “During our 10 years LIVING with breast cancer, our family used to joke that The Christ Hospital was our ‘Mt. Auburn Bed & Breakfast.’” Not only were the halls familiar, but the people were too. “The doctors, nurses and staff on 4West certainly treated us like special guests,” says Kent Wellington, founder and KWF board chair. The youngest and most precocious Wellington, Angeline, knew exactly where to find rubber gloves so she could do cartwheels down the hall without getting her hands dirty. She also cracked the code to the VHS closet. On hospital sleep-overs, “Father of the Bride” was a favorite with her mom and “Ferris Bueller's Day Off” was a standard to watch with her dad. On Labor day, the view of the WEBN fireworks was hard to beat. (This was long before the new state of the art Spine Center blocked the river view.) Birthdays, family dinners and life happened at The Christ Hospital, not just for Karen, but for the whole family. Together, they embraced LIVING with breast cancer on 4West. Kent recalls, “Karen’s room was always a bee-hive of activity. Kids, friends, people she knew who had family members delivering babies just a few floors above her, etc. But we noticed that many of the other rooms were quiet. There were often older patients who had very few visitors. (Other than Angeline wandering in from time-to-time).” So it was only appropriate that the first gift from Karen’s Fund was for the oncology patients on 4West. With the help of friends and Connie and Dave Laug, the Wellington family KWF hosted a WEBN fireworks party on the Labor Day for every patient on 4West - complete with massage therapists making the rounds, gift baskets for each patient and most importantly, someone in every room keeping the patients company between nurse check-ins. It was a great kick-off for our FunNow mission. And the right place to do it. Karen’s fund also paid for the first “flat screen” TV at TCH – fittingly in the 4West lounge. “The same lounge,” Kent notes, “where we celebrated the kids’ birthday parties and watched them unwrap and pedal new bicycles down the hall.”
Today, a strong KWF advocate and friend is Nurse Navigator, Lisa Shelton. Lisa has been with TCH since 1998. She originally was an ICU nurse, but after her own Breast Cancer diagnosis (2006) she began looking for a role as a patient advocate. As a Nurse Navigator her role now involves education, patient contact, and navigating them through the unknowns. “Some patients have never been ill their entire lives before their diagnosis,” Lisa says, “and Breast Cancer is such a scary word in and of itself.” Lisa also runs the Metastatic Breast Cancer Community Support Program at TCH. Participants of this group talk about how to LIVE with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. They share stories candidly, learn from each other’s journeys, and have ongoing education opportunities from professional speakers and community members. “This is an empowering group of women...not a sad group,” Lisa shares.
Lisa first learned about KWF’s FunNow mission years ago. She was hooked. Just this year, Lisa has nominated over a dozen patients for a gift from KWF. It reinforces in her life what it means for her to keep LIVING and putting FUN on her calendar. “After my journey with cancer a lot of things changed for me. Material items meant nothing… I was giving everything away to family and friends. I told my children that I only wanted gifts that were LIVING, like plants and flowers,” she says. When The Metastatic Breast Cancer Program staff recently asked their women what it means to be LIVING with Breast Cancer the answer was consistently and overwhelmingly “time and connection with others.” We couldn’t agree more. Each KWF gift experience connects people to the overwhelming generosity of our donors, homeowners and partners. This cycle of giving and receiving is a powerful force. It creates time and space for women to connect with their friends, family and themselves. For many of our recipients, it’s the first time since their diagnosis that they have had a respite from the day to day of living with Breast Cancer and their treatment. It was only appropriate that while attending one of KWF’s annual Karen’s Gift bashes (see below for more info on the 13th annual Karen’s Gift on Oct 9), she won one of Karen’s paintings in the raffle. ‘Lemons to Lemonade’ now proudly hangs in Lisa’s kitchen. Angeline recalls, “As a child, having a parent with cancer is unpredictable, scary and confusing. And whether we chose it or not, Christ quickly became a second home for my family. The medical team went above and beyond to make both my mom and our family comfortable. They provided normalcy and a bit of fun in a time when it was desperately needed (sometimes even helping me pull off my little pranks in the cafeteria).” Robby Wellington, the older of the two siblings, most vividly recalls, “one of the oncologists showing me the room where they stored all the little ice cream cups… and maybe letting me sneak one out if I asked nicely. It’s the small seemingly insignificant things that makes a world of a difference.”
Lisa says that “The art of nursing… is making things happen for people. Little acts of kindness for our patients and team mates.” Lisa says. For many years now, TCH has been doing just that. From the Wellingtons to the women they now serve, they are caring for and making small but important magical moments for their patients. Thank you, TCH, for many years of friendship, putting FUN on the calendar, and helping people to continue LIVING. Cheers to you, The Christ Hospital! KWF’s Medical Advisory board is made up of skillful and caring healthcare from the entire Cincinnati community. We receive nominations from every hospital system in Greater Cincinnati including, UC Cancer Center, Tri-Health, St. Elizabeth, Cancer Family Care, Radiation Hematology and Oncology, Mercy Hospital and more. If you are a medical provider and would like to nominate a deserving woman, please nominate them today.
“Recipients are the heart of [KWF].....the Recipient Ambassador Board has not only been a great addition to the foundation, but it has also empowered recipients to be able to give back” - Lori Falke, RAB chair. For our recipients, the magic of KWF does not fade away the minute they walk out of the spa or as their homebound plane wheels touch down on the tarmac. Oftentimes, we’ve found that it is quite the opposite. It’s when they get home and have an opportunity to help give or plan a spa day or vacation for someone else that makes them come alive. That certainly was how my mom, Karen Wellington, did things. Whether it was dressing me and my friends up for Halloween and having us pass out candy to patients in the chemo chairs or simply going above and beyond to make each individual in her life feel seen - she knew the importance of giving. And that’s certainly consistent with KWF’s Give-First mantra. That giving spirit lives on thanks to the leadership of our Recipient Ambassador Board. Our RAB is made up of 12 highly energetic, hilarious and passionate former recipients. It’s a sisterhood of sorts, a growing group that openly shares the struggles that come with cancer, while quickly pivoting to share the 4 types of alcohol mixed into their favorite cocktail recipe which they will be enjoying on this month’s virtual happy hour (open to ALL recipients.) You see, these women are used to making the best of bad situations. So when their in-person happy hour gets bumped to Zoom, they don’t complain - they pour more into their glasses and toast to resilience.
This past month we added two new incredible additions to our board, Penny House and Tara Riley. While I will check-in with Penny on a later date, this month I got the chance to sit down with Tara to discuss why she joined the RAB. As a wife, mom, grandma and longtime educator, it quickly became apparent that Tara has always been a caregiver. With a give-first mentality, she is quick to find silver linings in hardship and provide a sense of hope and sisterhood to those in need. Tara told me that when first diagnosed with cancer, she was gifted a pink fuzzy blanket. She then passed it along to a friend who was diagnosed after her. And although that blanket has been deemed the “gift that keeps on giving” - Tara decided that she would buy a fresh pink blanket and give it to each new survivor she befriended. Although it is a club no one wants to join, she found that inviting those in with a gift of cozy solidarity seemed like the best place to start.
Tara also pointed to the significance of her KWF vacation and the impact it had on her life. Tara and her husband, Charles, went to Naples Florida back in 2019. Despite her excitement, leading up to the trip, she had little to no energy. The physical and mental pounding from cancer had taken its toll. She was tired and for good reason. However, the minute her feet hit that white Florida sand a new boost of energy came over her. “I immediately jumped in the air,” she remembers. Tara beams that this magical trip not only changed her life, but provided a sense of relief for her husband and caretaker during a very important time. “It lifted my soul,” Tara says. In joining the RAB, Tara noted the importance of being active in finding good people in good community while focusing on giving some happiness to others. We say it all the time, but at its core, KWF creates a healthy cycle of receiving and giving. Which is consistent with Tara’s life mission of bringing joy to others. Tara understands that LIVING and giving go hand and hand. She will fit in perfectly with our RAB and their mission of having FunNow while giving even more away. This group knows how to see life with a glass half full mentality. And whether you choose to fill yours with love or chardonnay is completely up to. But you’ll quickly find, they pour both. Tara & Penny, welcome to the sisterhood! Cheers.
